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Obama and Putin On The Phone

Obama & Putin


Barack Obama:  Hello

Vladamir Putin:  It’s Vladamir.

Obama:  Oh, hey Vlad. I didn’t want to bother you so thanks for calling.  Between the Olympics and taking over Ukraine I know you’ve been extremely busy.

Putin:  Thank you for understanding. Yes, between handing out gold and going for the gold, it can make for hectic days.  I just really appreciate the fact that I can count on you .  W would have made my life much more difficult and his Dad, forget about it. Ukraine would have to be a pipe dream.

Obama:  Well, it’s kind of hard to take credit for remaining true to one’s nature. I guess that is a trait we both have in common.  Actually, I should be thanking you. My supporters and the American media love that fact that I’m remaining passive in the face of your belligerence. The more you do and the less I do is actually good for my poll numbers.  And it makes McCain look like a war monger.

Putin:  Yeah, that John is such a little hot head.  I roll tanks and he wants to see heads roll.

Obama:  Not to change the subject, have you talked to Bashar lately?

Putin:  That is one of the reasons for my call.  He wanted me to thank you for not sending in cruise missiles as you once promised.

Obama:  He really doesn’t have to thank me.  Frankly, it was my mistake in the first place to draw a red line I was never really prepared to deal with.  Listen, Bashar has his nature too and I should have been more sensitive to the fact that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Putin:  Speaking of apples, I loved the box of golden delicious apples you airmailed me.  In Moscow in the winter, even with my $100 billion in the bank, a fresh piece of fruit is always a welcomed treat.

Obama:  I should send you the White House chef’s cobbler recipe, it is delicious.

Putin:  That would be awesome. I love a good cobbler.

Obama:  Hey, I’m at my desk so I’ll email it to you right now.

Putin:  I’ll have my chef make it tonight and I’ll let you know what I think. Hey, I know you have mid term elections coming up.  Before your re-election, you talked about having more flexibility with Med and me.  Boy, were you ever right. That boy scout Romney might be giving me some unappreciated resistance right now.

Obama:  You never had anything to worry about with Romney.  America is an amazing place, the economy could be in shambles, Obamacare can be a mess and all I have to do is say boo about women's rights.

Putin:  In Russia, all I have to do is say boo and I’m reelected.

Obama:  Do you even have elections?

Putin:  Truth be told, not really. But pretending like we do makes things a little smoother.

Obama:  I wish we were more like you. 

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