A Democrat Independence Day – Death, Government Tyranny and the Happy Pursuit of Abortions

Today, on the last workday before Independence Day, it’s time to (mostly) put politics aside and focus on freedom itself.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a week since the Supreme Court handed down its historic Dobbs decision overturning the barbarous abortion-creating and preserving judicial actions of Roe v. Wade and Planned Parenthood v. Casey, two notorious unconstitutional rulings that will now live in infamy alongside Plessy v. Ferguson and Korematsu v. United States as misguided mistakes in philosophy and practice. In the process, a smidgen of the enormous amount of faith conservatives had lost in the American political and judicial system was instantaneously restored by the Justice Samuel Alito authored majority opinion.

Needless to say, former President Donald Trump was thrilled by the Supreme Court’s earth-shaking principled steadfastness, and, with characteristic Trumpian bravado, took credit for the high court’s enlightened majority. After all, three of the names who signed the majority opinion were appointed by the one-time liberal-turned-conservative populist, so the lifelong real estate developer and reality TV star deserves a big shoutout and thank you from the conservative pro-life activists who’d been working for Friday’s conclusion for almost a half century.

What happens from here is anyone’s guess as stunned state leaders review old laws and consider enacting new ones to protect innocent unborn lives. Meanwhile, the Democrat-led Congress and abortion loving states are similarly contemplating creating new “opportunities” for pregnant women to travel within or outside their borders to obtain what they couldn’t otherwise get in their own neighborhoods. That’s sad, isn’t it?

At any rate, some are suggesting that the Dobbs decision will cement Trump’s legacy as the Roe-slaying president. Liberal Chris Cillizza wrote at CNN the other day:

“What can be said, without question, is that the Roe decision will be the defining legacy of Trump's four years in office -- and will likely be at the heart of his appeal to conservatives if/when he runs for president again in 2024.

“In a statement Friday, Trump took credit for the Supreme Court's ruling on Roe.

“’Today's decision, which is the biggest WIN for LIFE in a generation, along with other decisions that have been announced recently, were only made possible because I delivered everything as promised, including nominating and getting three highly respected and strong Constitutionalists confirmed to the United States Supreme Court,’ Trump said. ‘It was my great honor to do so!’”

Yes indeed. Republicans have had several pro-life presidents since Roe was handed down in 1973, the names including Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush. All of them had the chance to pick jurists who would provide the final stake through the heart of the nation-dividing precedent, but it was the bombastic Donald Trump who assured Roe’s final outcome. The text of the Roe decision should now be buried under a monument along with symbolic honorariums to the tens of millions of babies who never drew a breath of fresh air because of seven men (the majority in Roe) who effectively signed their death warrants without a trial or due process.

Democrats have been throwing a collective hissy fit in the week since the Dobbs ruling, and it’s not outside the realm of possibility to surmise they’re cooking up strange schemes to try and go back in time to retrieve their beloved abortion “rights”. Could it be they’d even conduct a séance to bring back Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, from the dead?

What better way to make sure that abortion is “deeply rooted” in American history and traditions as well as “implicit in the concept of ordered liberty”?

Here’s what such a strange scenario might look like:

--In a dim candlelit conference room at the White House, a gathering of Democrats is taking place. President senile Joe Biden enters through a cleverly disguised doorway that perfectly conforms to the walls of the chamber so as to be nearly undetectable. The 79-year-old stumbles as he draws near the others, then yanks out a chair from the table and curses under his breath. Joe excuses himself and offers up a hastily contrived pretext for his clumsiness like he always does.

Seated around the table are a who’s who of the Democrat Party leadership along with various other elected leftist thought leaders -- and West Virginia senator Joe Manchin. The latter was invited to the assembly because his assent and input would be vital for getting anything accomplished on reviving federal abortion rights, a goal to which all Democrats aspire.

Shakily rising from her chair, 82-year-old Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke first. [Her actual words]: “[Last Friday], the Republican-controlled Supreme Court … achieved the GOP’s dark and extreme goal of ripping away women’s right to make their own reproductive health decisions. Because of Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, the Republican Party and their supermajority on the Supreme Court, American women today have less freedom than their mothers. With Roe now out of their way, radical Republicans are charging ahead with their crusade to criminalize health freedom. In the Congress, Republicans are plotting a nationwide abortion ban.”

Gasps echoed through the sealed, enclosed chamber. There wasn’t a Democrat soul in attendance who disagreed with the elitist Californian’s assessment as to the direness of their post-Dobbs dilemma. It was the Republicans who did it, right?

San Fran Nan continued, “I was going to say, ‘Ladies and Gentleman’, but that would be insensitive to our transgender friends. So, fellow Democrat homies of all genders, sexes, orientations and sizes, how are we gonna get our abortions back and turn the tide of this year’s elections at the same time? This is a freedom thing, perfect for the Fourth of July holiday. We’ll get the suckers – I mean voters – all pissed off about it.”

“I got something to say,” interjected space cadet Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, seated just to Pelosi’s left. “The Republicans have really done it this time. We need more than just words. Just like with gun control, we need to act, damn the facts! As much as we’d like to do it, we can’t impeach Donald Trump again. (Pelosi shoots her much younger colleague a dirty look) We’ll have to wait at least two more years to do that, so why don’t we do the next best thing and impeach those horrible lying Court justices, Kavanaugh and Gorsuch.”

Upon receiving whispers of “You go girl!” and approving nods from those in attendance, AOC continued: [Her actual words:] “If we allow Supreme Court nominees to lie under -- under oath and secure lifetime appointments to the highest court of the land and then issue -- issue, without basis -- if you read these opinions, issue without basis, rulings that deeply undermine the human and civil rights of -- of the majority of Americans, we must see [impeachment] through…

"We had two conservative senators in the United States Senate, Senator Manchin and Senator Collins come out with a very explosive allegation that these -- that several Supreme Court justices misled them in -- during their confirmation hearings and in the lead-up to the confirmation. This is a crisis of legitimacy.”

“Huh, what, legitimacy?” Senile Joe Biden was startled awake from his semi-permanent catatonic stupor and perked up upon hearing the word. “Of course I’m a legitimate president, didn’t you see all those cable network hosts – and the crows at The View -- proclaiming that I’d won the election? We’re talking about abortion here, not fetal legitimacy.”

As they often did, the coven of Democrats ignored Biden’s outburst and returned to the point AOC had made. With all eyes staring right through Joe Manchin’s well-groomed mug, Pelosi inquired hopefully, “Well, Joe, you’ve screwed us over on practically everything else. What say ye on abortion?”

Manchin cleared his throat before replying, carefully pondering his response. He’d thought long and hard about what he’d say if called upon in this forum, and settled for his boilerplate office statement as a precaution against physical violence to his person. [His actual words:] “I trusted Justice Gorsuch and Justice Kavanaugh when they testified under oath that they also believed Roe v. Wade was settled legal precedent and I am alarmed they chose to reject the stability the ruling has provided for two generations of Americans….”

When he noticed that his canned explanation fell flat with his fellow faction members, Manchin went on, “Of course I was just saying that to make Chucky Schumer happy. My state likes guns and mostly detests abortion, so the Justices’ decision was okay with me, but as a Democrat – at least technically -- I couldn’t say so publicly, since I’d voted for Kavanaugh’s and Gorsuch’s confirmations. So, I was essentially saving my behind.” Looking right at Schumer across the space, the West Virginian asked, “Can you blame me?”

Irritated as always, the nasally New Yorker Schumer replied, “Joe, you’re only one notch better than Trump on the Democrat acceptability continuum. Trump nominated those originalist no-legislating-from-the-bench idiots, but you supplied crucial votes to confirm them. You’re like a Republican in sheep’s clothing. You kept the filibuster, too. Taken together with everything you’ve done to sabotage our agenda this year, I think maybe it’s time you left the room.”

“That won’t be necessary, Chucky,” Pelosi jutted in, figuring any slim chance they had to actually pass part of their remaining agenda before getting shellacked in the midterms rested on keeping Manchin happy. “There’s got to be a better way. Besides, look to the bright side. In response to Dobbs, there will sprout up a whole new Democrat-loving trial lawyer industry helping women prove that their babies were conceived as the result of rape or incest, or that their lives are in danger. Quack doctors will sign official court papers saying the woman’s life is in danger. Praise be!

“Rusty coat hangers? Those are so yesterday,” Pelosi added with a satisfied grin on her face.

“These are all good points, people,” Senile Joe interrupted, suddenly feeling left out from the discussion. “I’m the only one here who can really do anything about our problem. That devil Justice Alito said abortion couldn’t be protected under due process because it wasn’t ‘deeply rooted in America’s history and traditions’ or ‘implicit in the concept of ordered liberty’ or something stupid and unintelligible like that. Clearly, we need spiritual outside-the-box thinking here.”

The doddering president sighed and paused as though he was actually experiencing a thought, then went on.

“Maybe we need a séance to bring back Thomas Jefferson, so he can re-write the Declaration of Independence to include our beloved abortion rights. All that mumbo jumbo about ‘Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness’ can be changed to, ‘Death, Government Tyranny and the Happy Pursuit of Abortions’, which would work just as well, wouldn’t it? Why complicate things and have to pass laws and convince people and all those labor-intensive chores that us Democrats hate.”

The meeting attendees searched each other’s expressions, with looks of astonishment crossing their brows. All this time they’d known senile Joe Biden and he’d never had an original idea. Barack Obama, who was not invited to this particular scrum, had repeatedly joked about how dumb Biden was. But a séance in the White House? It was brilliant!

“I’ll lead it!” shouted Senator Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, her eyes bugging out of her head once again, just like they always did whenever she got her blood flowing. “I’ll make it into a Native American ritual where we summons the ancestors of the dead. Instead of doing it in a burial ground, we’ll do it right here in this room! Everyone join hands!”

The group did as they were instructed by the fake Indian with 1/1024th Cherokee bloodlines and linked themselves into a human chain. Warren rolled her eyes back in her head and rhythmically recited words from Karl Marx’s “Communist Manifesto” to awaken the spirits. When that didn’t seem to work, she hummed and hawed as though uttering a phony Native American prayer to the Great Spirit, which wowed the onlookers – especially Kamala Harris -- who then began doing their own versions of the same thing (picture Sandra Bullock in ‘The Proposal’) while wiggling their fannies and making it up as they went along. They’d recalled doing something similar after George Floyd expired a couple years ago, except now they weren’t dressed in made-for-TV COVID masks and African Kente cloths.

At that instant, the transparently mystical white figure of a ghost dressed in colonial garb appeared in the center of the room. Some of them recognized his face from a Democrat field trip they’d taken to the Jefferson Memorial years earlier. The apparition carried a disgusted look.

“How can anyone rest in peace with this absurd mock ceremony going on?” the ghostly Thomas Jefferson asked, incredulous. “Is this not the White House, a dignified place of great men?”

“Hold on there, Tommy m’ boy,” Biden retorted, vaguely recalling the brief visit from Jefferson to his sleeping quarters last year. “I’ll handle this. I know this trespasser. He came into my bedroom and started blubbering about ‘independence’ and rights and stuff. I just wanted to eat glizzies and watch fireworks that day, not listen to a history lecture. He was annoying.

“Let’s get right to the point, Mr. See-through. We want you to go back to 1776 so you can re-write the Declaration of Independence to include abortion. Today’s Supreme Court thinks abortion isn’t cool because you slave holding people didn’t talk about it a lot back then. So, you need to return to your declaration-writing committee in Philadelphia with John Adams and Ben Franklin and those other two dudes and get it straight, will ya?”

The ghost of Jefferson couldn’t believe he’d interrupted his peaceful celestial existence in heaven to revisit this doltish truth flubber and this hapless band of Democrat malcontents and nincompoops. “I will do no such thing, you historic interloper. I’m surprised you haven’t been thrown in prison yet for stealing everyone else’s ideas and thoughts… or because Hunter’s laptop proved you knew all about his sleazy Chinese dealings.”

Biden gritted his teeth, a sure sign of his rising anger. “That Supreme Court guy Alito wrote, ‘We therefore hold that the Constitution does not confer a right to abortion. Roe and Casey must be overruled, and the authority to regulate abortion must be returned to the people and their elected representatives’. What a crock! If judges can’t just make stuff up, what good are they?”

Senile Joe rambled about how he’d once met all the Founders at a bar in Philly and George Washington was really a great guy, but he wasn’t honest enough for Biden’s sake. As soon as senile Joe mentioned NATO to the first president, the man started a lecture about “entangling alliances” and the longevity of the republic. “I thought it was nonsense,” Biden blubbered. “I told him I think NATO is Neato – and the dude didn’t even laugh.” It was story hour at the White House until Pelosi stomped her heel three times and jolted Biden back to the present.

To Jefferson, Biden commanded, “You gotta get your feather pen and make these corrections, bub. For ‘Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness,’ substitute ‘Death, Government Tyranny and the Happy Pursuit of Abortions.’ That’ll do the trick,” Joe elaborated while trying to slap the visitor on the back, only to have his hand pass through the vision like a hot knife through butter.

Feeling that his return to earth had been in error, the Jefferson spirit disappeared through the ceiling as though he were merely a projected video image on a retracting white screen. Upon the phantom’s departure, the Democrats wept and moaned as though their final chance to save abortion had passed unsuccessfully.

Biden observed, “That was the lamest séance I’ve ever been to. But cheer up! The winner of the abortion debate will be our corporate friends, the “woke” airlines! Maybe they could establish a special seat section for pregnant humans identifying as, well, pregnant humans, and therefore attract a new sector of business with those traveling to New York and California and Illinois for abortions!

“I can just see it now – combine a few days on the beach with your abortion! Or, ‘Go see ‘Hamilton’ on Broadway and get an abortion after the show! Or, two for the price of one! By one abortion, get a second one in a year for half off! That’s freedom, folks. Thank God for the U.S.A.! Happy Fourth of July, friends!”

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The founding fathers did not include abortion in the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution because the concept of purposely killing one’s own unborn offspring was completely foreign to them. Legalizing abortion was an offshoot of the radical feminist movement of the sixties and seventies, and liberty lovers are relieved that Roe v. Wade was finally dispensed with.

Have a great Independence Day!

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