As Americans head into the Labor Day holiday weekend, a good many of them will try and take a little break from politics.
This includes the President of the United States himself and his team of fools, dolts, shills and malcontents. The administration’s poll numbers are plummeting and the Biden folks are no doubt searching for a silver lining among some mighty dark clouds out there.
“People have seen enough of President Joe Biden and his administration’s bumbling over the Afghan withdrawal and now want him to resign. In the latest shocking display of the president’s polling free fall, the latest Rasmussen Reports survey found that a majority, 52%, wants Biden to resign over the withdrawal alone. Just 39% disagrees, far short of his political base...
“Lucky for Biden, his lifeline appears to be his vice president and her even worse standing with the public. Rasmussen found — again, as other polls have — that most do not think the former California senator is up to the job.
“Only 38% said she is ‘qualified’ to be president, while a sizable 58% said she isn’t. And 47% said she is ‘not at all qualified,’ the lowest rating in the poll.”
Bedard described the poll as “shocking”, though the writing has been on the wall for a long time. Maybe it wasn’t visible until the Biden people botched Afghanistan so badly, but I think it’s been there all along. It’s no secret that bumbling Joe didn’t have a groundswell of emotional backing at election time last year, and whatever there was then appears to be slipping away now.
The optics of January 6 weren’t good for outgoing former president Donald Trump and Biden received a “honeymoon” period of goodwill from the wishy-washy set after his inauguration. These were the “anyone but Trump” crowd, and even though Joe was rarely seen in public and never answered questions, the quieting of the ceaseless controversy under Trump was appealing to some.
Now it’s plenty noisy in America again and we’re stuck with a president who is clearly incompetent, and for lack of a better way to put it, stupid. Add the fact that his vice president has turned out to be every bit as loathsome as he is, and the Democrats have a heck of a dilemma on their hands.
Perhaps for that reason, they were probably looking forward to the Labor Day holiday and a cooling off of the criticism. Here’s what it might’ve looked like at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue:
--A White House staffer sat quietly at her desk at mid-week, enjoying the relative calm after a summer full of turmoil at the executive mansion. She reached into her desk to draw out a Mentos breath freshener, never quite knowing when somebody might get in her face, especially her handsy boss.
‘Personal space is at such a premium these days,’ she thought.
At that moment president Joe Biden entered the room, smiling from ear-to-ear like a happy senior citizen without a care in the world, primed for another competitive round of Bingo and a morning snack for the victors. “Good golly, it’s Labor Day weekend coming up, isn’t it?” the 78-year-old swamp lizard king asked quizzically, as though he actually didn’t know the answer. “Well, if it is, then I get Monday off, don’t I? Uh-oh, does that mean the cooking folks won’t be around this weekend? Me n’ Kamala had planned a little weenie roast and taco bar out on the front lawn. We can set up huge solar panels to supply heat for our special Chinese-designed and manufactured, battery-powered electric barbecues. I hope it’s sunny… those cheap pieces of junk don’t tend to work when it’s cloudy, though.”
“We can have Hunter and his homies join us and maybe the Big ‘O’ and Michelle and their two cute as a button little girls will wanna come too. Then there’s Nancy P and Chucky if they’re in town. I love hearing Senator Blumenthal’s war stories. Maxine Waters and Adam Schiff are always good for a laugh. But not Bernie Sanders and those ‘Squad’ gals. They’re offensive. And there’s always my trusty canine, Major. He’s got my personality, doesn’t he? I don’t think he’s bitten anyone lately, has he?”
“Shhhhhh!!!!!” the staffer commanded sternly, holding her index finger tightly against her lips with eyes bulging out of her skull. “People aren’t supposed to know that Major bit a human being eight days in a row last spring. But it’s only the Secret Service we’re talking about, so they can’t tell anyone or they’ll get in deep doo-doo. Joe, you gotta get better about these random statements. They’ll get you in trouble, and there’s been enough of that lately as it is. I’m gettin’ tired of having to defend you to my own family, bub.”
“Oops. Sorry about that,” the president replied sheepishly, smarting from yet another behavioral rebuke from someone who works for him. He empathized with Major the dog… and wished he could be the one sent home to Delaware to work with a trainer of his own. Or better yet, send the Republicans away, he thought. ‘They’ve been biting me on the behind over that Afghanistan fiasco for weeks now. Couldn’t they see how well the evacuation was being executed? It was an ‘extraordinary success’! Where’s the love?’
“Well, is it a holiday or not?” Biden queried again sarcastically, seeking validation.
“Yup. And don’t worry, we’ll bring in enough servants to work your little tete-e-tete, Joe. The DNC will always make sure you’re well taken care of,” the staffer replied reassuringly.
Despite the woman’s confident and gentle tone, Biden suddenly started trembling and his face filled with blood, obviously angry. Shaking with rage, he shouted, “This ain’t gonna be no scrubby ‘tete-e-tete’, lady. That’s what I had last week when I went to that airport on the way to my house in Delaware with those flag covered coffins and had to chat with all those annoying, whiny, grieving parents. Yeah, I rolled my eyes speaking with one of them. So what? And I shouldda checked my watch a thousand times during that boring ceremony instead of just a few times. Why does the media always have to be so negative? I thought they were supposed to have my back?
Upon hearing her name the vice president tumbled into the room. “[Oh darn!] I broke another heel! Did you summons me, Mr. Joe?”
“I told you not to call me that, Ms. Kamala. People will think that we aren’t serious and you’re not qualified to replace me… Oh yeah, they already think that anyway. So call me anything you want. Besides, we’re lookin’ at some time off and I thought it’d be swell to hire a bunch of unemployed COVID shutdown victims to set up a big to-do on the White House lawn this weekend. Aren’t their extra benefits running out? They’ll need to get off their duffs and find something to do now… or they’ll starve.
“They’ll have to wear masks, but we won’t. The Speaker taught me how to treat the proletariat!”
“Come on, man!” Kamala retorted. “Those are our people, Joe! Besides, I think we need to go over these poll numbers and figure out a way to make the schleps like us again. Back in the spring when everyone was getting vaccinated the plague was down and our popularity was up. Then the dang news media -- at least some of them -- started hammering us over the non-existent border and gas prices and inflation and spending too much. They even complained about our extension of the eviction moratorium and how you appointed some of our best ideologues to oversee policy.
“We snuck Kristen Clarke past the suckers, didn’t we? She’s just like Stacey Abrams but without the hideous gap-tooth in front! (Biden grinned at the thought.)
“Can’t we just go back in time, Joe? In Democrat-land every day is January 6 and even average people think Trump supporters are all white supremacist slime!” At that, Kamala giggled uncontrollably, bending at the waist with her teeth practically popping out of her head with hilarity. Raising her arms like a cheerleader, she ended with, “We can do it all over if we can just start bashing Trump again! Yeah!”
Biden wondered why his gal-pal and bosom leftist companion always laughed at stuff that no one else thought was remotely funny, like when she chuckled at the dire situation in Afghanistan when she arrived in Asia last week.
‘If Kamala’d been the one handling the Dover Air Force base event instead of me, she would’ve been ROFL the whole time, wouldn’t she?’ he pondered.
“I made a promise to heal the nation, and that’s precisely what I’m doing, Kamala. Just the other day I got word of a text from a military officer. He said, and I quote, 'We are f***ing abandoning Americans' in Kabul. We can’t let people read stuff like that… or they won’t heal.”
Joe realized the female staffer was still in the space, overhearing every word the two world leaders said. Turning to her, Biden barked, “Don’t you have a party guest list to go over? I want to make sure you don’t invite any Republicans. They’ve been telling me to resign and that crazy blonde QAnon chick from Georgia just reintroduced impeachment articles. Get moving! Go take Major for a walk! Don’t forget to bring a scooper and a bag.”
The staffer grabbed a leather dog leash and Major’s muzzle from her desk’s top drawer and hurried out the door.
“Good,” the old man blurted out. “Now we can get down to it. I think there’s only one guy who can help us, and his name starts with ‘O’ and ends with ‘A’.
“Osama bin laden? Geez, Joe, even I know the tall bearded terrorist’s been gone for a long time now. And after you fricked-up Afghanistan, I’m not sure calling those guys is a good idea right now anyway.”
Biden clenched his fists and bellowed loudly. “AARRRRrrrrrrrgggghhh!!! I may be a senile old coot but I’m not THAT stupid. No, it’s Obama, you affirmative action halfwit. I’ll get him on speaker right now.”
Upon dialing the phone, Kamala and Joe heard the familiar voice answer, “Yo. Who’s bugging me on my day off -- wait, every day is a vacation day when you retire at age 55 on full taxpayer-funded pension pay. Seriously, I’m still hung over from my 60th birthday bash at the ‘Vineyard a month ago and I just missed a two-foot double bogey putt on the ninth hole. Who are you and what do you want?”
“Hey ol’ buddy, it’s me, your loyal veep and otherwise worldly non-sexual soulmate. Kamala’s here too, remember her? We were wondering if you could help us get our approval ratings back on track. I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but they really, really suck!”
“Dang, Joe, that’s a topic that would take hours to fully explore. I’ve been known to say, ‘Never underestimate Joe’s ability to f--- things up’ and it’s truer than true this time, bud. It’s a good thing nobody can tell I’m talking to you, because you’re radioactive in the public’s eye. I might lose a book deal if word leaks out that I spoke to you.
“Wanna know what I’d advise? You can always lie. About everything. Not hard, and you’re really good at it. Me too. It’s like a prequalification to be a Democrat.
“By the way, I heard from someone in your office that you’re having a tete-e-tete this weekend… um… uh… ah… I can’t go, dude. Michelle already made plans for us. Gonna havta go it alone on this one. Best of luck reviving your presidency! Talk about a chump!”
Poor Joe was devastated at Obama’s rejection. Kamala saw his dejection and couldn’t stifle a guffaw, her pearly whites glistening even in the dingy lighting of pathetic Joe’s darkened universe.
Biden lifted his head from staring at the floor. He simply said… “I already said it’s not a tete-e-tete, gosh darnit. Doesn’t anyone listen to me anymore?”
--In reality, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will likely be spending the Labor Day holiday wondering how things turned on them so dramatically and quickly. That’s politics in the twenty-first century. The Democrat un-dynamic duo wasn’t qualified to begin with, and now there’s no way to crawl out from their un-popularity quagmire.
As for the rest of America, have a great Labor Day weekend!
Labor Day weekend
Biden approval ratings