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Assault on America, Day 583: Carl Bernstein & the Trump coup that never was nor ever will be

ll The President’s Men and a congressional Republican coup that never will be It's always fascinating whenever Democrats and the media -- one and the same -- give Republicans advice, but one particular suggestion last weekend was shocking in its boldness and astonishing nervy ignorance. Legendary (only because he was immortalized in Hollywood film lore) Washington Post investigative reporter Carl Bernstein thinks it’s time for Republican congressional leaders to conduct a little pow-wow and then pay an unsolicited visit to the executive mansion to present Donald Trump with his walking papers. As I’ve been saying a lot lately, you can’t make this stuff up. Daniel Chaitin reported at The Washington Examiner, “During an appearance Friday on CNN, Bernstein hearkened back to the Watergate scandal, describing how a trio of influential Republicans — 1964 presidential nominee Sen. Barry Goldwater, Senate Minority Leader Hugh Scott, and House Minority Leader John Rhodes — went to the White House in 1974 to tell President Richard Nixon he did not have the support in Congress to survive impeachment, after which he resigned. “’Something similar is needed now. If only the Republican leadership and other Republicans would go publicly and say to this president, 'All right, you want to stay for the rest of your term, but we are going to be a caretaker until this election, and you must begin to act in the national interests and in fact we would like to find another alternative to run as the Republican nominee for president of the United States,'’ Bernstein said.” Ahem. Wow. That’s a heck of a scheme, isn’t it? One can only imagine what such a meeting would entail. Let’s give it a shot (the imagining part): Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and 2012 GOP presidential nominee -- and now Utah senator --- Mitt Romney enter the West Wing through the back door, sneak into the Oval Office via a secret entrance Bill Clinton had constructed for social calls from Monica Lewinsky and various other service babes (I mean visitors) and proceeded to greet Vice President Mike Pence as they had prearranged during a conference call discussing the various coronavirus relief bills. Shortly after, coming off a sharp back-and-forth with the fake news media over the latest Chinese Communist Party (CCP or Wuhan, if you prefer) virus developments, President Trump greeted the watchman outside his office door and entered thinking he’d have just enough opportunity to review reports on the ongoing Capitol Hill negotiations before dinnertime. Party leaders were hard at work trading proposals on how to send more borrowed money to the American public and were at an impasse. Was it time to knock some heads? Somewhat surprised that Republican-land’s movers ‘n shakers were already in attendance, Trump said, “Good. You guys are here. I thought I would have to send someone up to the hill to get you to come down here and talk turkey. Even after me being president for three and a half years, you politicians still don’t know the Art of the Deal. What have ‘Chucky’ and Nancy done now? Spill it.” McConnell looked sheepishly at the others, then replied haltingly, “Um, Mr. President, we didn’t come to talk about the coronavirus relief negotiations. We received a tip from Carl Bernstein -- you know, the Washington Post guy who, along with Bob Woodward, brought down Tricky Dick Nixon in the early seventies -- that we should tell you that, for the good of the country, we’ve decided to remove you as our nominee this year.” Having memorized the precise wording Bernstein instructed them to use, “Grim Reaper” Mitch continued, “You can stay until January to fill out your final months as president, but we will be caretakers of the country in the meantime. You’re unstable and an authoritarian and we’re doing this to act in the national interest, whatever that means. Meanwhile, we’re planning on finding another alternative to run for the GOP.” McConnell shot a quick glance at Pence who was standing beside Trump, dumbfounded that these doltish fools in tailored suits and cloth masks with large Republican elephants on them would even have the guts to offer such a thing. Trump didn’t utter a word but clearly wasn’t impressed with the attempted bloodless coup. “Further,” McConnell cleared his gullet, coughing up a bit of phlegm mixed with bile, “Bernstein said you ‘absolutely’ have acted more recklessly than Nixon did, and he should know, his memory fresh from all that ‘Deep Throat’ material from five decades ago. You’ve endangered the country and the world by failing to act quickly enough to save us all from the Chinese sickness. What did you call it, the ‘Kung flu’? Very funny, Mr. President. And what was the deal with not wearing a mask? All those ‘deplorables’ needed a better example. You’re the president, a shepherd, and the sheep must be led, not left to wander aimlessly. That rhymes-with-rich Nancy Pelosi’s been on us for months and we’re tired of it.” Yeah!” shouted McCarthy, who couldn’t contain himself any longer. Kev-bo rocked back and forth trying to do a little dance but lost his balance and practically stumbled to the ground. “Uh huh! What he said!” The Californian pointed at McConnell and was about to give the Kentuckian a high five but thought better of it under the circumstances. The man wasn’t used to thinking for himself and couldn’t come up with a better reply, so he just affirmed whatever “Cocaine Mitch” blurted out, thankful that he didn’t have to explain the urgency of getting Trump out of the picture so the establishment could run the show again. By this time Trump was looking down at his stack of briefing materials, the anger gathering underneath his outwardly calm demeanor. But rather than immediately casting these dunces out in the street for their unconstitutional and grassroots defying fickleness, the president decided to play them a tad. “Say I was to go along with yours and Bernstein’s notion and agree to step aside. Who would you get to replace me on this year’s ticket? (Gesturing towards Pence, Trump added) “Mike, are you okay with this, too?” Recognizing that Trump wasn’t serious, Pence nodded and said, “Oh yeah. I can’t wait to hear about who our congressional brains have in mind to replace us.” All eyes moved to Romney who had been engaged in trying to inconspicuously position himself behind the 5’9” McConnell, no easy feat for the 6’2” former presidential campaigner. Of course, Mitt’s immaculately manicured coiffure made him seem even taller. He was visibly sweating profusely. “I can sense all of you looking at me. But yes, I would be willing to step in and run for president again. People forget we -- Paul Ryan and I -- have already battled Joe Biden and we know that he’s sharp as a tack and doesn’t make any mistakes on the campaign trail. I -- I mean we -- feel that if there’s a new nominee, it should be me….” Mitt’s words trailed off as he sensed that no one present was the least bit impressed with the concept. Undeterred, Romney went on, “I’ve learned a lot since Election Night 2012. I’ve spent much time making speeches, begging for the Secretary of State’s position and a couple months ago, I marched in a Black Lives Matter protest. My kind (the NeverTrumpers) doesn’t approve of your moves to disrupt the ‘peaceful’ demonstrations, Donald, and it’s time for you to be drummed out of town. Unlike you, we’re nice -- so no tar and feathers will be waiting.” “Sure, Mitt,” Trump replied matter of fact-ly. “Who do you want to fill the veep slot?” McConnell, McCarthy and Romney looked at each other suspiciously. “We haven’t gotten that far,” Romney answered nervously. “But a lot of our donors want the party to go back to the days of civility and capitulation -- I mean acquiescence -- with the Democrats. I’m planning a call to Paul Ryan tonight to see if he’d be willing to make this a dual comeback of epic proportions. I heard he’s hangin’ ‘round in Wisconsin suckin’ down local suds and munchin’ on local cheese. He’d be the perfect choice to unify our party and the country. Or maybe John Boehner.” “Oh yeah,” Pence said, unconvinced. “We’ve been here for a few years and in that time, I’ve come to realize the media and Democrats were right to impeach the president and that the Washington ruling elites know a lot better on how to govern our nation than he (gesturing at Trump) does. Forget all the MAGA hyperbole, the country was just great before he even rode down the escalator. And we can trust that all of you will ensure that the border is enforced, stand up for the conservative agenda and champion the pro-life cause like you always have… right????” Pence couldn’t stifle his laughter any longer, doubling over at the thought of these swamp dwellers actually achieving anything on their own. “And if you buy any of that then I’ve got a Joe Biden cognitive intelligence test to sell you.” “Alright, enough already,” Trump verbalized, finally losing his patience. Looking at McConnell and McCarthy, he said, “Get out of here and take your Romney dog with you. Let him stick his head out the car window on the way back to the Hill. Or even better, put him on the roof -- I heard he likes it. What a bunch of losers. Don’t you realize Bernstein started his career the same year Joe Biden was elected to the senate? He’s a dinosaur. Who listens to him? As soon as the people understand what Sleepy Joe and the Democrats represent, it’s going to be a different story. Ignore the polls. We made America Great Again before the China virus and we’re going to do it again. Starting now. OUT!” --Democrats and Trump’s “conservative” enemies can fantasize all they want about taking over the country and getting rid of Trump. The whole notion is absurd. But what else would you expect from some washed-up liberal commentator on CNN? Only Trump can keep Republicans united and heal the nation’s coronavirus wounds If it wasn’t clear from the above satirical glimpse at what a “meeting” to tell the outsider president he needs to step down might look like, many similar plots have been advanced in Trump’s brief political career. It takes serious gall to imply that Republicans would be stupid enough to remove the incumbent now. Doesn’t anyone take into account the opinions and loyalty of the grassroots? Or are these swamp consultants and journalists really that blind? Who could possibly step into a vacant Republican nominee slot tomorrow and credibly make a run in November? Who knows, perhaps the Bush family -- and Mitt Romney -- conspired to advance the possibility that Trump would leave willingly and pave the way for a more establishment-friendly choice to take his place. If anything, Democrats are the ones who should ponder having Pelosi, Schumer and Hillary Clinton head to Delaware to have a chat with Grampa Joe Biden about leaving for the good of the party and country. Liberals everywhere are on pins and needles hoping Biden will hang on for a few more months before completely losing it and being admitted to a care facility. They’ll tuck him out of sight until it’s safe to emerge… and I’m not talking about COVID-19. Clamor growing among Democrats to have Biden bow out of this fall’s debates I never thought I’d say this, but I want to see Joe Biden debate. A lot of liberal Democrats apparently don’t share the feeling. In fact, some are openly pleading with the Democrat nominee-to-be to pull out of the three scheduled debates ahead of time. Valerie Richardson reported at The Washington Times, “Leading the calls for Mr. Biden to drop out is former Clinton White House spokesman Joe Lockhart, who tweeted Sunday that debating President Trump is like ‘debating the last drunk in a bar at closing time.’ ... “Mr. Lockhart … said Saturday it was ‘worth the risk’ for Mr. Biden to drop out of the debates, alleging that Mr. Trump is ‘incapable of telling the truth.’ …  The three presidential debates are scheduled to take place between Sept. 29 and Oct. 22, but Mr. Lockhart said that it would be ‘a fool’s errand to enter the ring with someone who can’t follow the rules or the truth. ‘He will take the truth and destroy it,’ Mr. Lockhart said on CNN. ‘Biden will be in the position of correcting him over and over and over again. I don’t think he should give him that platform.’ “Also advising Mr. Biden to skip the debates are former Hillary Clinton senior adviser Zac Petkanas, who tweeted last week that Mr. Trump is not a ‘legitimate candidate,’ and New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, who said last month that Mr. Biden should only debate if Mr. Trump releases his 2016-18 tax returns and agrees to a real-time fact-check.” The question is, who will “fact-check” Grampa Joe? Trump is occasionally known to exaggerate a bit, but Biden’s the one who’s an outright liar. “There have been 150 million people killed by guns since 2007.” Really? To this point, Biden’s debate strategy has been to condescend, distort, pontificate and overstate. Ever notice how big his eyes get when he’s answering a question and his teeth and tongue look like they’re about to leap out of his head? For a guy who admits he had a terrible stuttering problem as a youth, now it almost seems as though Grampa Joe can’t talk fast enough and his mouth is three race checkpoints in front of his brain. Joe Biden can run from presidential debates, but he can’t hide from his record. President Trump’s detractors can hope he’ll just leave quietly before this fall’s election, but they’re plain crazy. Eventually the truth comes out, and here’s thinking Trump will emerge as the more credible candidate. And it won’t even be close.

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